where have i been? or what i did on my summer vaction part I
three weeks is arizona. i don't think i stopped sweating the whole time. and i gained 3 pounds, probably due to a too long RM in the dinning room, and ok, maybe a cheese crisp or two. sigh.
it's been a very long summer. my mother has been having problems since last winter, having anxiety attacks, not wanting to stay alone in her apartment, sometimes to the point of sleeping at the neighbors for several nights in a row. this causes her bp to spike up, so when she feels all "icky poo" (her term) and weak, and her little old lady friends take her into er, her bp is 190/100. they give her too much meds, she gets hypotensive, feels worse. on top of that her sodium dropped to 127 - enough to make anybody feel crappy just by itself. i went down on a scheduled visit supposed to last 6 days, but she looked so bad, and clearly couldn't be left alone, i ended up staying 3 weeks. an er visit, several doctors visits and a couple of med changes later, she felt better and wasn't having icky poo attacks any more, but the thought of my leaving was just too much for her. and my moving to arizona is just not going to happen.
so she is moving back here. with the decision made and a place found at a senior apartment complex, she felt stable enough to stay by herself for a week or so so i could come back to work for a while. (i am sooo out of vacation time now). i'm going back down wendsday to get her and the cats and come back on thursday. the furniture and car got shipped yesterday. all i have to do is work 4 nights, sleep a little, finish cleaning the house, stock the kitchen with mom foods, find someone to sign for the furniture if it comes while i'm gone, get on a plane at 0600, get the cats through security, onto the plane and an eight hour flight without them escaping or getting us thrown off the plane ( they can make their displeasure know very vocally), and get her unpacked. simple!
and how much help was my brother is all this?? nada...not only was he of no help at all, he accused me of dragging her back against her will, implying that i was some how doing this for my own betterment. now that she was better, she should just stay there. well, she's better, but she not fixed. these panic attacks have been coming on for years. she left her house at HH because of them. moving to the villa temporarily helped but it was not a cure. she wants family around, she needs family around. all the friends in the world are not the same. and she realized that. she made her own decision. and i was a fool to think my brother would be of any help at all. he wouldn't have to worry, he won't be the one going over to her apartment when the icky pooes come back (which, i fear, they will). he won't be the one driving her to doctor, dentist, church, anything else because i really don't see her driving any more. he wouldn't be bothered with running her errands or doing her shopping. somehow, i see myself with driving her to his house for thanksgiving and christmas. god forbid, they come here.
do i sound bitter? well, goddamn it, i am. i know it sounds selfish and self pitying, but my life, as i know it, is now over. i'm out of vacation time for the rest of the year, i'm out at least $1500 for the time off work i didn't have vacation to cover but my boss let me take it off anyway (thank you boss!) and my brother made me feel guilty for bringing my mother home. i just want it all to finished, so i see what is going to happen next.
at least, the 1954 singer in the cherry wood cabinet is coming back with her. that's going to be mine someday.
it's been a very long summer. my mother has been having problems since last winter, having anxiety attacks, not wanting to stay alone in her apartment, sometimes to the point of sleeping at the neighbors for several nights in a row. this causes her bp to spike up, so when she feels all "icky poo" (her term) and weak, and her little old lady friends take her into er, her bp is 190/100. they give her too much meds, she gets hypotensive, feels worse. on top of that her sodium dropped to 127 - enough to make anybody feel crappy just by itself. i went down on a scheduled visit supposed to last 6 days, but she looked so bad, and clearly couldn't be left alone, i ended up staying 3 weeks. an er visit, several doctors visits and a couple of med changes later, she felt better and wasn't having icky poo attacks any more, but the thought of my leaving was just too much for her. and my moving to arizona is just not going to happen.
so she is moving back here. with the decision made and a place found at a senior apartment complex, she felt stable enough to stay by herself for a week or so so i could come back to work for a while. (i am sooo out of vacation time now). i'm going back down wendsday to get her and the cats and come back on thursday. the furniture and car got shipped yesterday. all i have to do is work 4 nights, sleep a little, finish cleaning the house, stock the kitchen with mom foods, find someone to sign for the furniture if it comes while i'm gone, get on a plane at 0600, get the cats through security, onto the plane and an eight hour flight without them escaping or getting us thrown off the plane ( they can make their displeasure know very vocally), and get her unpacked. simple!
and how much help was my brother is all this?? nada...not only was he of no help at all, he accused me of dragging her back against her will, implying that i was some how doing this for my own betterment. now that she was better, she should just stay there. well, she's better, but she not fixed. these panic attacks have been coming on for years. she left her house at HH because of them. moving to the villa temporarily helped but it was not a cure. she wants family around, she needs family around. all the friends in the world are not the same. and she realized that. she made her own decision. and i was a fool to think my brother would be of any help at all. he wouldn't have to worry, he won't be the one going over to her apartment when the icky pooes come back (which, i fear, they will). he won't be the one driving her to doctor, dentist, church, anything else because i really don't see her driving any more. he wouldn't be bothered with running her errands or doing her shopping. somehow, i see myself with driving her to his house for thanksgiving and christmas. god forbid, they come here.
do i sound bitter? well, goddamn it, i am. i know it sounds selfish and self pitying, but my life, as i know it, is now over. i'm out of vacation time for the rest of the year, i'm out at least $1500 for the time off work i didn't have vacation to cover but my boss let me take it off anyway (thank you boss!) and my brother made me feel guilty for bringing my mother home. i just want it all to finished, so i see what is going to happen next.
at least, the 1954 singer in the cherry wood cabinet is coming back with her. that's going to be mine someday.
posted by babe at 10:10 PM
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